In my youth, I was embraced by the night.
Ever taken was I by that vast inky nothingness.
Ever walking towards that tiny, distant lamp.
Ever searching for something to help me brave the dark.
And as I walked, I grew cold and weary and desperate.
I looked up into the face of it,
into the vast unblinking void, and courted the stars.
One star.
I took it from the heavens where it was perfect
and made it small.
For light. For warmth.
For survival, I stole fire from the sky, and hid it away in a lantern.
My lantern.
How arrogant. How naive.
How foolish to think that I could take that fierce, unflinching light
and cage it.
I stole the fire fro
Father, mother, sister, brother.
Fighter, friend, comrade, lover.
All of these live among us.
All of these will one day die.
For one of these, today's the day -
today one must say goodbye.
The darkness yawns and aches to swallow whole
the man who peers inside the deathly maw,
the umbral void moves closer in towards its fleshy goal;
wreathed in shadow it longs to reap its harvest raw
Undone! Sudden thrust upward pointed sting!
Deep into monsters husk the shard does bite,
into the bosom of an immortal ancient thing -
darkness shall fall to powerful burning light.
After battle, the warrior withdrawn,
shakes from exertions of heroic plight
And like a cloak he, the monsters corpse, adorn;
the beast but slumbers, the cavernous unending Night.
Approacheth I the mistress fire
whose eyes of jade do linger flaming look
cautious I wish not to catch the wrathful ire
yet boldly reach and slender hand I took
"hail to the queen that lighten the darkest dawn
and yet courts darker forces still
hail to she who makes strong men and heroes fawn
to she who steams the blood with aberrant thrill"
and lo the temptress danes to shoot a glance
despite protesting mind her form, from her gaze, distracts
the demon on mine shoulder begins his lustful dance
and quietly whispers of salacious acts.
Sweating, unbalanced, I struggle to make my case.
A suggestion 'ere too lewd, "la petit mort": the little d
alas the frail and fading breath interned
to weep forgotten tears in memory laid
anon the spirit glowing embers burned
condemned its light shall soon to fade
and lo the ghosts of past events do sigh
and seek attentive gaze to whisper close
yet though I beckon thee hither to lie
figure corporeal and flesh thou oppose
from within stupor I seek release to leave
unshackled unbound by leaden bonds to tie
grey withdrawl does the naked soul bereave
absent comfort the tacet smile belie
beneath palid frame blood runs swift under
the hands of time proclaimest thee willst mend
and yet visage dost cloak bones asunder
hidden skin that hastens the bl
I don't know where to begin.
I have no idea where I end and where the idea of you I had for so long starts.
There is no meaning any more.
Just blurred outlines of what once was.
Each morning blends into the next, nights encroach and sap the warmth from the days.
A perpetual infernal drive to continue an existence, to continue to be.
... whatever - whoever it is, that this is.
He is not me.
He occupies the space I used to.
He does not look like me.
He is older.
Wearier.
More withdrawn.
I watch this little machine clunk and whir and go about his flawed mechanics.
I wind him up.
I watch him go.
I'm just the man with the key.
It ended with a fall
not a crash, like it ought
and again I was left
with the pain that you wrought.
It was I, now bereft,
wished it not end at all;
yet I drop through the dark
with no chance to be caught.
I awake with a start
and can't help but recall.
Look how you want to look.
Speak how you want to speak.
Love how and who you want to love.
You are yourself.
Don't let others define who you are.
Listen, but do not obey.
Don't seek perfection.
Perfection is a lie.
Seek wholeness.
Feel good about yourself.
You are good.
You are brilliant.
Don't feel guilty.
Guilt is the enemy.
Guilt is you trying to please others.
Feel sad.
Accept your pain.
Understand it.
Think your own thoughts.
Come to your own conclusions.
Question everything.
But don't listen to me, or anyone else that tells you otherwise.
I am trying.
I am trying not to look back.
I am trying not to look over my shoulder.
Because there is a reaper there.
A foul wraith.
A dark shade.
I am trying not to look.
Down, or back.
Below me, the world falls away.
I am walking a knife edge.
Each step is an effort, greater than the one before.
Each step. A chance to falter. To stumble.
To fall.
And behind me, with a rasping stone he sharpens his blade.
And quickens his pace.
I am trying.
To forget.
I am trying to forget that you exist.
That you ever existed.
That you said those things...
Smiled that certain way...
Looked at me with those eyes...
I am trying.
Heaving.
Pulling.
Stret